A Proxy's Guide to ZZZ Factions: Who to Trust in 2026

So, you’ve woken up as a Proxy in New Eridu—the last city standing after reality itself decided to have a meltdown. Hollows erupt like potholes from another dimension, Ethereal monsters spill out like uninvited party crashers, and somehow, you are the GPS for people crazy enough to delve into this mess. It’s 2026, and the faction scene is more chaotic than a Cat Thiren on a caffeine high. But hey, someone’s gotta keep the wheels turning (and the guns firing). Let me break down the heavy hitters, sneaky schemers, and glitter-dusted weirdos who run this town—all from the perspective of a proxy who’s seen more disaster zones than a budget plumber.

Belobog Heavy Industries: The Gearheads with a Heart of Steel

If New Eridu is a broken-down jalopy, Belobog Heavy Industries are the wrench-wielding maniacs keeping it from exploding. These folks are the top dogs in tech and engineering—imagine if a bulldozer had a baby with a quantum computer, and that baby opened a workshop. They craft the weapons that make Ethereals weep, build the infrastructure that stops the city from sinking into the Hollows, and probably fix your toaster if you ask nicely. Their influence is everywhere; if you hear a satisfying clank in the distance, it’s them forging something that’ll save your bacon later. In my experience, you want a Belobog agent on your squad when things go sideways—because they’ll bring a hammer that can reverse gravity, and that’s just their ‘light’ sidearm.

Cunning Hares: The Sneaky Buggers Who Know Your Next Move

Don’t let the fluffy name fool you—these hares have daggers in their smiles. Cunning Hares are the masters of strategy and stealth, the kind of crew that could steal your socks while you’re wearing them and you’d thank them for the ventilation. They’re behind-the-scenes puppeteers, pulling strings in espionage ops that would make a spy thriller blush. Their training is so rigorous that they probably commute to work by dodging laser grids. When a mission calls for more subtlety than a rampaging bear, I ring up the Hares. Just be careful: if one of them says “trust me,” check your pockets.

H.A.N.D. (Section 6): The Mystery Meat of Covert Ops

H.A.N.D. has so many arms it could make an octopus jealous, but their Special Operations Department—Section 6—is where the real enigma lies. These guys are so secretive they probably file their paperwork in invisible ink. They handle covert operations that are critical to the city’s survival, yet their true motives? Clear as mud. Each agent is a Swiss Army knife of adaptability, executing surprise maneuvers that leave enemies (and allies) scratching their heads. Working with Section 6 feels like trying to solve a crossword puzzle blindfolded, but when the chips are down, their unpredictability is your best weapon. I just wish they’d let me in on the joke occasionally.

Victoria Housekeeping: The Maid Café from a Mafia Movie

Underneath that crisp apron and cheerful “How may I serve you?” lies an iron fist wrapped in a velvet glove. Victoria Housekeeping runs its territory with the obsessive precision of a perfectionist who alphabetizes their spice rack. They handle internal affairs, which is a polite way of saying they make sure nobody colors outside the lines. If you think they just dust shelves, you’ve got another thing coming—they’ll dust you if you step out of line. Despite the sinister aura, their efficiency is jaw-dropping; they’re the reason some sectors don’t descend into anarchy. Just don’t spill coffee on their carpet.

Criminal Investigation Special Response Team: The Good Cops in a Bad World

When the bad guys get too big for their britches, this law enforcement unit rolls in like a thunderstorm with warrants. They’re specialized crisis response, the type to kick down a door and then politely offer the suspect a breath mint. Their expertise ensures that justice isn’t just blind; it’s got night-vision goggles and a taser. In a city where chaos is the daily special, the Special Response Team keeps the criminal underbelly from turning into an overbelly. I always breathe a little easier when I hear their sirens—unless I’m the one they’re chasing, which happens more often than I’d like to admit.

Sons of Calydon: The Rebel Yell of the Outer Ring

Forget the concrete jungle—these free spirits thrive in the dusty, sun-scorched Outer Ring. Sons of Calydon are all about motorbikes, trucks, and a burning love for the open road that makes your average road-trip movie look like a trip to the grocery store. They’ve carved a niche outside New Eridu’s rules, living by their own code that’s held together with duct tape and sheer stubbornness. Picture a biker gang that cares more about the next horizon than petty crime. Need to haul something dangerous across the wasteland? They’ll do it with a grin and a cloud of dust. Just don’t ask them to use a turn signal.

OBOL Squad: The Defenders with More Armor Than Sense

Directly under the New Eridu Defense Force’s Obsidian Division, the OBOL Squad is led by the legendary Sergeant Soldier 11—a name so hardcore it sounds like a rejected action hero. These are the beefy guardians who stand between the Hollows and your grandma’s house. Their battle prowess is the stuff of barroom tall tales: I once saw an OBOL agent eat a bowl of nails for breakfast… without any milk. They make sure life stays safe inside the city walls, which is comforting until you realize they probably consider houseplants a security risk. If you ever get to fight alongside them, try not to geek out over their exoskeleton rigs.

Virtual Idols: The Pixel-Powered Pop Stars

And then there’s the glittery enigma temporarily dubbed “Virtual Idols.” Info on them is rarer than a civil conversation in a faction meeting, but what we know paints a picture of three cute, feminine figures who practically glow with digital energy. They seem fused with the online world—performers, influencers, or maybe a sentient TikTok filter given arms. Ring lights and computers follow them like groupies. I half expect them to defeat Ethereals by dropping a sick beat. While their true purpose is foggier than a Hollow at dawn, I can’t help but think they’re the spice in a stew of guns and grimdark. In 2026, you need a little kawaii chaos to balance the doom.

At the end of the day, you and I are proxies—the tour guides of this beautiful, broken world. We navigate the Hollows, broker deals with these wacky factions, and try not to become an Ethereal chew toy. Each faction brings something vital, whether it’s Belobog’s heavy metal, the Hares’ shadow games, or the Idols’ inexplicable charm. New Eridu might be a powder keg, but with this colorful crew, at least the explosion will be entertaining. So pick your poison (or your alliance) wisely—I’ll be the one in the trench coat, map in hand, snickering at the chaos.